From avoidance to movement

From avoidance to movement – why should I step out of my comfort zone?

Or in other words – what is the connection between Edison, Krembo and US Independence Day

Recently, I changed city of residence, not something dramatic, I did not want to have a hard time adjusting (-:, so I moved from Karmiel, a rural area to Tel Aviv, the big city  … and within Tel Aviv I moved from a rented apartment to my apartment. At the same time, I left a job as a full-time employee in the finance department and became a self-employed coach. In short, I stepped out of my comfort zone. Listen, it’s hard to re-build all the supporting circles: the grocery store, the barber, the beautician , the bus station, the parking lots, the handyman, the bank branch, the plumber, the post office, the cleaner, the gardener, the gym … get used to all the bicycle, scooter and other rider jumping on us from every corner, the house, neighbors, new friends, renovation, wait for the technician, wait again … buy, deliver … I was exhausted … I need a vacation in the Galilee urgently!!! Not something fancy, Karmiel is good enough for me.

So why even step out of our comfort zone? Why change? The answer is pretty simple: we’re unhappy in our workplace, or we are between jobs, the house is too small / large for our needs today, we are not fit enough, our weight, the relationship with the spouse (in my case most answers were correct) , I don’t seem to  find myself … and there are endless examples that we feel that changes are needed, yet it is difficult for us, and we come up with a bunch of explanations “why not”, and we enter into an “avoidance strategy” that will protect us.

Our self-worth / self-image is as fragile and thin as the chocolate that envelops the inside of the ”Krembo” – (literal translation: cream-in-it) a chocolate-coated marshmallow treat that is popular in Israel.

It is so fragile, the chocolate of the ”Krembo”, that all the tens of millions of “Krembos” that we eat within a year and that are produced without human touch, will eventually be wrapped one by one, manually and carefully …

So is our self-worth, sensitive and fragile. Therefore, in order to maintain it, we will adopt a strategy of avoiding change, because when we give up change, and stick to the boundaries of the familiar and comfortable, we save ourselves from dealing with possible self-harm as a result of failure, criticism, failure to meet expectations, low achievement or disappointment.

Every thought of change is accompanied by fears that create barriers and we tend to stay in the warm and familiar comfort zone, but as the years go by, the lack of movement becomes degenerative (as in the body so in the mind), and we feel despair and frustration, feel “stuck”. Want to change and do not know what and how. This is true for those who have been very successful in the past and for those who have been less successful, we are all afraid of failing, disappointing others or ourselves.

This is even more difficult in the age of Facebook and similar, where everything is perfect and successful for everyone and at every moment. All the glitter of the show, creates a high and unattainable artificial threshold, which challenges us even more.

True, anyone who acts has a high chance of making a mistake or failing, even if he is remembered historically as a success that changed the world.

For example, Thomas Edison, he was partially deaf from his teens, and rarely attended school. Edison worked in his youth as a salesman selling snacks and sweets on trains, and later as a telegraph operator, where he registered some of his first patents. Overall he wrote down a record number of 1,093 patents, including the electric light bulb, which changed the lives of all of us to this day.  Try to imagine life in the period before the light bulb, give it a minute …. Edison did tens of thousands of experiments and most of them failed, until he succeeded.

Well, I thought to myself, maybe the fact that he was deaf helped him ignore those who mocked his failures … so I looked for another inspirational person.

Yesterday, July 4, the United States celebrated Independence Day. One of the most influential presidents in the history of the USA was its 16th president, Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln, like Edison, did not attend school, but taught himself and became a lawyer. Lincoln, who signed the abolition of slavery (for which he paid the ultimate price) in times when it was not well received, took care to keep the United States united by preventing division during the American Civil War., He was an excellent orator and talented politician, and was perceived as honest, humble and pleasant.

But he also became famous for his infinity of failures: as a businessman. And as a lawyer in Springfield, where he was not very successful, so he turned to politics. Here to he was not very successful… and let’s count: (1) His first attempt to be elected to the legislature failed. (2) In his first attempt to run for Congress he lost (3) In his attempt to be Commissioner General he lost. (4) In the Senate elections in 1854, he lost (5) In his attempt to be elected Vice President in 1856 he lost (6) In the Senate elections in 1858 he lost, until, finally, in 1861 he became President of the United States.

There are those among us who know how to deal with failures and see them as the stones that strengthen the path of their lives to a better and more complete life. For most of us it is not easy. The good news is that this fear is common and can certainly be dealt with, what we practice will become easier and easier for us. So, let’s do it together.

If you want to make a change, if you feel stuck, and you have these background voices saying  “why move, what’s so bad” I would be happy to accompany you from an “avoidance” mode to a “movement” mode towards the small or large places you want to reach.